Closer to 50

Trigger Warning

Been thinking a lot about life lately; I think when you are closer to 50 than 40 you start to realise that if you want to do something in/with your life you better get on with it!

Three years ago, all was well with my world, then for the first time in Michael’s life he got asked to leave his job!  Not only was it his job that we lost at that time (Nov 2010) but also the house that we had just moved into 8 weeks previously.  We had made plans to stay with this job for a minimum of 18 months.  We’d talked about what we wanted to do, achieve while settled in one place.  Then, just out of the blue, and through no fault of our own, we were told we had 2 weeks to leave! 

Two weeks later, found us all packed back into the bus, and heading out on the road again feeling very dejected, lost and alone.  We had no direction, no desire to travel anywhere or do anything.  Oh and we were 4 months out from having a baby!

We drifted south to escape the heat and settled into a showgrounds with good rent and constant power, toilets and showers.  We once again had something to look forward to, we had a purpose. All was well again!

Then …. March 12, 2011 happened!  We welcomed our 8th child into this world at 9am and farewelled her at 10pm the same day.

Once again life was spinning out of my control.  We once again were drifting with no direction.  I tried to focus on keeping everyone together with some success.  I was falling apart though! 
For the next three years I have battled depression, looking for a direction for me, for my family.  I’d set goals, start out well for a day or two, then sink back down again feeling worse for not having been able to stick to what I wanted to do.

This year I have started listening to motivational speakers, like Zig Ziglar.  I have started reading motivational books.  I haven’t got back to the Bible yet, but I’m getting closer.  It is amazing how much better I feel.  I feel that I now have a purpose!  I have a direction!  I can be anything I want to be.  I feel a power within that I have not felt for a very long time.  I have started exercising again.  Started waking up and actually wanting to get out of bed!

I have set some goals, just short term goals, like, goals for tomorrow!  When I reach that goal it encourages me to set a goal for the next two days.  It’s just one small step at a time.  The last three years have passed me by, I’m glad I’m seeing that now.  As I get older, I can’t afford to have life pass me by any longer!  I plan to get up and take back what the devil has stolen from me.  Take back my life, and live the life I want to live.  Live the life I was destined to live!
 

Hold On

by Rapture Ruckus

CHORUS: [x2]
You Gotta Hold On
Help Is Coming
You Gotta Hold On
You Going To Make It Through The Rain
Through The Rain Through The Pain
Through The Fire And Flame

The Same Name I Cling To
The Same Name That Remains Forever
The Name Above All Names
Above Death And The Grave
The Name That Cures Cancer
And Gives Strength To The Lame
The Same Name That Came And Shattered My Chains
The Same Name That Will Come And Do The Same Again For You
He's Going To Come Through
Yes It's True
Jesus The Only Name That Will Pull You Through

CHORUS [x2]
'Cause He Said He'll Never Leave Us
Nor Forsake Us Man And That's The Only
Word You Need To Hold To
And You'll Never Be Lonely Homie
I Know I Ain't The Only Person Out There Hurting
Who's Flirted With Thought Of Ending It All
But Been Averted And I Know So Many Out There Who Have Had It Much Harder
They Got No Food In Their Bellies
Got No Mothers Or Fathers
So Many Questions Out There That Need Answers To But Even If It Comes Down To The Final Hour
Man He'll Still Come Through

CHORUS [x3]
If You're Waiting For A Miracle
You Gotta Hold On
You Gotta Make It Through The Rain

CHORUS [x2]
Bridge: [x2]
Through The Rain
Through The Flame
You Are The Name Above Every Name
Through The Rain
Through The Flame
Jesus The Name Above All Names